I was talking with a group of gardeners the other day and we started comparing notes on how we manage to get all those plants into our gardens without upsetting our spouses. We had all been rebuked in the past and asked questions like:
- How much did that cost?
- We’re out of room! Where are you going to plant that? You’re not planning to take more of my lawn are you?
- How are you going to have time to plant all that?
- Really, more of that? You promised you were done buying plants this year!
And so, to keep the peace, we shared a number of strategies employed to avoid all those questions about that.
If you promise not tell my husband, enjoy my little poem.
Confessions of a Plant Addict
They say that confession is good for the soul
There is no way out; there is no loophole.
So here goes, my dear husband of thirty-some years.
I hope my confessions won’t bring you to tears.
My plant obsessions have caused me to do
Things I’m not proud of but I’m afraid they’re all true.
And to be very honest, I would do them once more.
I love you, dear man, but plants I adore.
I ask for cash over at the grocery store.
I stuff it in my pocket and head out the door.
I pay with that cash to leave no paper trail
So there’s no evidence of that really big sale.
When you fall asleep on the couch, I head out the door
To unload plants from the car, while you peacefully snore.
I squeeze pots of plants much closer together
So their space on the driveway’s the same, if you measure.
And, as it turns out, I am not alone.
It turns out my pals have stories of their own.
Plants have been hidden behind garages and sheds
Waiting for spouses to fall asleep in their beds.
Then out come the shovels to plant in the night
Planting plants in the dark to avoid a big fight.
Why do we do it? Why do we sneak?
Because that new coneflower is just so unique.
We just had to have it and that new sedum, too.
And the hostas, agastache and, oh yah, meadow rue.
I’m sorry, dear husband. I hope my games you’ll ignore.
I love you dear man, but plants I adore.
Share your stories and strategies. I promise not to tell your spouse. Garden with me!